i have been very very depressed lately & my grandmother who i love love love is actively dying & the person i was seeing and starting to really like ghosted me & i am "sober" (ugh!?) & everything is awful! & the other night i as i was sobbing about knowing that this entire summer will be overwhelmed by having to navigate grief and feelings of loneliness, and i couldn't imagine anything feeling good ever again, i had a small vision of what it might feel like to be on the porch of a cabin in the woods, at dusk, with my dog, surrounded by fall foliage? and maybe that would feel ok? so anyway i booked a two week vacation for october for a cabin in the woods and submitted my time off request and now at least, even if i rot in my bed all summer long, i have a Thing to look forward to.
ugh there is no good time to go through any of that, but in the summer can feel especially mocking. i'm glad you have something in the fall to look forward to 🖤
Desperately trying to ride the wave of SI that I'm in. I'm trying to hold space for those thoughts and also remind myself of all the actions I take to keep myself alive, like always wearing a N95 mask in public so I don't get sick. Or wearing my seat belt in my car. Not all the parts of me want to die. I just wish these waves weren't so intense.
I don't know how to play Sims. One time I bought a virtual download for super cheap on Best Buy dot com, but then I couldn't figure out how to download the thing I bought. It's probably still stuck in my old account.
JOIN ME IN MY POOR COPING — now that i gave sim anna a good life, i've moved onto the black widow challenge (marrying and murdering as many men as possible)
I heavily reduced my Twitter usage (basically left) in Feb. 2021, which was good for a lot of reasons, but bad in terms of me being someone who likes community and genuinely likes meeting new people. So I joined a little Discord about a month ago, and it's been really fun overall. I feel like I'm a teen again, making friends on a forum. It comes with the bad of any community (that sort of consistent "I don't know if I fit in" vibe, the loudest [albeit well-meaning] voices being straight white dudes trying to gain Diversity Points), but it also comes with all the good (goofing off, sharing little pieces of our lives, developing [mostly harmless] crushes).
It's also had the weird effect of reassuring myself about...myself? Like, hey, turns out that I don't have to be on Twitter to be exposed to another person's Twitter Brain, that sort of weird, "I'm gonna be ironic/post-ironic about everything" cranked up to 1,000. I'm realizing that I just don't really know how to be ironic (at least to *that* level). I thought it was a generational thing, but I'm thinking that it's just me, that I naturally lean heavier into sincerity. And I don't know, that's reassuring to me. I know myself well enough that I don't need to do or say things that I don't mean just for the sake of fitting in. (Some people will say that this is me being my stubborn Taurus self, and y'know what, they're also right!)
sims is also one of the only things that keeps me afloat!! quite literally the best escapist activity that also keeps u aware of ur perception of the world and how things ~should~ go! maintaining my creativity and imagination, no matter how chaotic my 100 baby challenge is, keeps me curious and treading :')
i have been very very depressed lately & my grandmother who i love love love is actively dying & the person i was seeing and starting to really like ghosted me & i am "sober" (ugh!?) & everything is awful! & the other night i as i was sobbing about knowing that this entire summer will be overwhelmed by having to navigate grief and feelings of loneliness, and i couldn't imagine anything feeling good ever again, i had a small vision of what it might feel like to be on the porch of a cabin in the woods, at dusk, with my dog, surrounded by fall foliage? and maybe that would feel ok? so anyway i booked a two week vacation for october for a cabin in the woods and submitted my time off request and now at least, even if i rot in my bed all summer long, i have a Thing to look forward to.
ugh there is no good time to go through any of that, but in the summer can feel especially mocking. i'm glad you have something in the fall to look forward to 🖤
Desperately trying to ride the wave of SI that I'm in. I'm trying to hold space for those thoughts and also remind myself of all the actions I take to keep myself alive, like always wearing a N95 mask in public so I don't get sick. Or wearing my seat belt in my car. Not all the parts of me want to die. I just wish these waves weren't so intense.
daaamn, what a good reminder how helpful "parts"/"part of me" language can be — i always forget to use it when talking about my SI
Awake and sad (From Waking Up)
EA Games you have crossed a lineeee
when i say i gasped!!!
I don't know how to play Sims. One time I bought a virtual download for super cheap on Best Buy dot com, but then I couldn't figure out how to download the thing I bought. It's probably still stuck in my old account.
hot tip, the base game (sims 4) is freeeeeeeeee
Omg
JOIN ME IN MY POOR COPING — now that i gave sim anna a good life, i've moved onto the black widow challenge (marrying and murdering as many men as possible)
I heavily reduced my Twitter usage (basically left) in Feb. 2021, which was good for a lot of reasons, but bad in terms of me being someone who likes community and genuinely likes meeting new people. So I joined a little Discord about a month ago, and it's been really fun overall. I feel like I'm a teen again, making friends on a forum. It comes with the bad of any community (that sort of consistent "I don't know if I fit in" vibe, the loudest [albeit well-meaning] voices being straight white dudes trying to gain Diversity Points), but it also comes with all the good (goofing off, sharing little pieces of our lives, developing [mostly harmless] crushes).
It's also had the weird effect of reassuring myself about...myself? Like, hey, turns out that I don't have to be on Twitter to be exposed to another person's Twitter Brain, that sort of weird, "I'm gonna be ironic/post-ironic about everything" cranked up to 1,000. I'm realizing that I just don't really know how to be ironic (at least to *that* level). I thought it was a generational thing, but I'm thinking that it's just me, that I naturally lean heavier into sincerity. And I don't know, that's reassuring to me. I know myself well enough that I don't need to do or say things that I don't mean just for the sake of fitting in. (Some people will say that this is me being my stubborn Taurus self, and y'know what, they're also right!)
sims is also one of the only things that keeps me afloat!! quite literally the best escapist activity that also keeps u aware of ur perception of the world and how things ~should~ go! maintaining my creativity and imagination, no matter how chaotic my 100 baby challenge is, keeps me curious and treading :')